Frequently Asked Questions That No One Wants to Ask

• Is there more than one kind of abuse?
• Is it just women who suffer from domestic violence?
• What can i do to stop the abuse?
• How much family violence really goes on?
• Is it true that abusers just "lose control" and don't realize what they are doing?
• Why do victims stay with their abuser?
• Is the abuse the victims fault?
• Is small amounts of violence normal in a healthy relationship.
• Is there a cure for abusive people?
• I have a question that wasn't answered, what should I do?

Yes. There is more to an abusive relationship then bruises and black eyes. There is so much more. The common types of abuse are: Spousal abuse (domestic violence), psychological abuse, child abuse, sexual abuse, and many others. For more detailed information on this question, look through the "many forms of abuse and their effects" section of this site.

No. There are a great deal of men who suffer from domestic violence as well as women. The topic of battered men has been an issue far from explored. Many people smirk at the very thought of a woman assaulting a man, but it does happen. Approximately one in 10 cases of domestic violence is women abusing men.

At this site, we have many different methods of healing the wounds that an abusive relationship can leave. We have a group of friendly people, with similar experiences, to provide comfort and support during the rough times; and to share in the joy and laughter of the good times. We have a detailed state-by-state list of hotlines and shelters that you can refer to if you need help. Remember, we are not doctors or counselors, just fellow victims with a friendly shoulder to cry on. If you are in serious danger or need immediate assistance, please call the police, local help hotline, or abuse shelter.

On an average, 26% of American households experience some form of violence. Some if these "common" forms are considered: slapping, scratching, shoving, punching.

No. If abusers were out of control and did not realize what they were doing, then why are the bruises and other signs of abuse in less noticeable places, such as the stomach or the lower back? There would be more domestic violence related homicides as well, if the abuser had been out of control and unaware of his/her actions.

It can really depend. Financial dependency, emotional isolation, guilt, low self-esteem, lack of a better option, inability to see the difference between a loving relationship and an abusive one, and pure fear. Many abuse victims will not attempt to leave their abuser because they are afraid of what their abuser will do to them.

No. There is no excuse for domestic violence. Famous excuses such as: "He/She had it coming", "He/She hit me first", "He/She started it" are not acceptable excuses for inflicting pain on others. Blaming the victim for the abuse is something that abusers commonly do.

No. Even raising one's voice is not necessary in a healthy relationship, let alone any physical violence.

Yes, there is a possibility that an abuser can learn to change their ways. The abuser will have to be serious, and truly want to change, before any form of treatment will work. In cases where the abuser has no remorse for their actions, or plainly does not care, it is likely that treatment will have no lasting effect. Abuse is something that runs on pattern, and if the abuser is not willing to change that pattern, than there is not much that can be done.

Do you have a question that isn't answered here? Please feel free to send us an email and ask. If you want, we will post the question, along with the answer, within a few days.